25 weeks and 3 days!!!

So Baby Delilah is still in there!! The last week has been a challenge as I have been having LOTS of contractions and alot of cramping since we did the stitch. I am getting used to the bedrest though, it's my "new normal"

So we got good news this morning! Dr. Argeles came in and checked my cervix and we are still meausuring 2.8 cm with the stitch holding good! So even through the level of contractions and discomforts we have been going through this week, nothing has changed! I am VERY thankful to have made it this far :) Here comes 26 weeks! I will update again then!

From Hospital

We are 24 weeks and 3 days :) I went into my appointment on Thursday and found my cervix was only 2 cm long and was dialating from the inside out. So I was sent straight to the hospital and was put on bedrest overnight. They were going to send me home on bedrest in the morning when I wasn't having too many contractions because they thought my cervix should be stable.

Well, really early in the morning the doc came in and said he wanted to check my cervix again and when he looked it had gone to only .80 cm overnight even on bedrest. He said I probably only had 1-2 days at most before I delivered, but he really felt it was going to happen quick. So even thogh they usually don't stitch a weak cervix closed after 24 weeks, he thought we should try. Even if we could buy a little time she would have a better chance.

So I had an emergency stitch put in my cervix and have been on total bedrest for 3 days. I had a catheter put in after the surgery and they took that out this morning. I am now allowed up to go to the bathroom and so far the stitch is holding. Aside from a horrible head and neck ache I am doing well. We are hoping to get as much more time as possible. Please pray and thank you so much for visiting and calling. We should know tomorrow how stable the stitch is and if I will be able to do strict bedrest at home or if I will be staying here.

1 more day!

Only one more day til 24 weeks! My contractions had been going pretty good and then last night and this morning have really picked up again. I am wondering if I am doing better after the shot and then getting more contractions as it comes time for the shot again. One more day, one more day!

Only 3 days to 24 weeks!

Only 3 more days to 24 weeks!!! My next appointment is on Thursday and I should still look good! Every hour after that mark is going to be huge!

When I go on Thursday they are going to run the Fetal Fibronectin test to see if it looks like I am having any issues with preterm labor since I have been having so many contractions. If that cones back negative and my cervix still looks good then I should have less than a 1% chance of delivering in the next two weeks. Of course, for those of you who know me well enough, 1% is too big of a chance still :) Only 1% - 2% of pregnancies are late term losses and I already pulled off one of those.

Well, this will be a little different. Even with my risk taken into consideration I will only have a tiny chance of labor in the next two weeks if things look good on the test and cervical measurement. So, I will feel great about it if the test is negative. I don't really know what happens if the test comes back positive because I have just been assuming it will be negative :)
Only a few more days to go!

6 more days :)

So we have six more days to a completed 24 weeks. After that every day will be better and better chances for Baby Dee Dee! Once we get to the 24 week goal my next big goals are getting into July and getting my ticker under 100 days left. I can't wait til that happens! I can't belileve we are so close to 24 weeks. Before now making the gap between 22 and 24 weeks looked totally insurmountable. I am glad to see that even if it looks like you can't make it, you really can!

I was watching the TV Guide Channel tonight since there was nothing on and they were interviewing Cindy Crawford. They asked her to describe her life with one word. She said that she had one word to describe how she wanted to live her life and that was "present". She said that she wanted to be fully present for each part of her life, good and bad, and tries not to just live through one part to get to another. She said she doesn't want to think, "If I can just get past this part I can't get to something different or better".

I thought it was inspiring because I definitely am just in survival mode right now and not really wanting to live while I hold my breath and wait for an outcome to this pregnancy. I was hoping to just "get through" the next few months and on to something better. It is a shame to feel that way because there is so much to be had and learned during really difficult times. I am hoping now that while I cope with what is going on during the pregnancy and the discomforts and fears, that I can learn about myself and my weaknesses (which are many) and my strengths. I hope that I can grow more in my relationship with Christ and that I don't quit or give up because things are hard. I hope that I will learn more how to help other people or be there for them when they are struggling after I get more able bodied again. I know that I am learning just how important the life of this little baby is and how much we love her already. So old Cindy Crawford is right. It is important to be "present" even in the bad parts of life and experience them as fully as we experience the good parts. For instance, in the months afte Oscar died, I cried in a way that I have never cried before. It was almost like I was hearing someone else when I would hear myself. I am still fascinated by it for some reason because after the initial months of grief I have not cried like that again. Sometimes I will see James and Betty Robinson asking for help to feed the children in countries where food is sparse. I saw a little while back a woman sitting by the grave of her child who had died. The grave was fresh. When she cried out I just couldn't believe it because I knew that the pain was the same. I had never experienced pain like that before. It is good to know that I could feel a compassion for her that I would never have been able to really feel if I hadn't gone through what I did.

Anyway, rambling!!! Nice long post, I should write a book or something :)

23 Weeks! Only 7 days to 24 Weeks!

So we have made it to 23 weeks! My appointment today went well. My cervix is measuring around 3.2 to 3.3 cm the last two weeks. Dr. Argeles says that he doesn't really think it is changing. He is happy if it stays over 3 cm. He says it is still firm and closed, so that is good! He always says, "So, do you have anything you want to talk about?" And I say, "Do you wanna talk about all of these contractions I am having again?" And now he jokingly says, "No". I say he is joking, but he is probably serious! He has been really patient with me... I know he can't wait until I have this baby either :)

Tomorrow I have got to try to buy a little something in the way of maternity wear. I tried to put on my pre-pregnancy jeans the other day... wish I would have taken a picture of that! That was worth a good 10 minutes of laughing on my part :) I really would like to have some dresses so I can stay cool. Some people have lent me maternity wear, but it is always small. Some of the small stuff won't even come past my thighs at this point, so I am pretty sure I am a medium or large!

So, we will plug on again through this week, counting down to a completed 24 weeks... I can't believe it! We are gonna make it! Hope I can stay sane til then :)

I heard a good message on the radio this morning that was talking about how as Christians we are never guaranteed a life without struggle or difficulty. It was a good message for me right now and something I needed to hear. I still smile when that happens because so often I hear a message that is exactly what I need to hear and it's usually blunt about it. It was a good message.

Melinda

9 Days til 24 Weeks!

I guess I am just skipping right over 23 weeks and looking at 24! We will be 23 weeks in two days :) I have another appointment on Thursday afternoon. All should be well and then one more week to 24! Every day after 22 has been exciting, but every day after 24 is going to be huge!!!

Baby Dee has been moving around a ton this morning. Her kicks are starting to get pretty hard nowadays. Sometimes I get this weird feeling like I am living in the twilight zone or something. I just can't really believe that we are here again already. I sometimes can't believe I tried again. When we first talked about it I thought there was no way I would be able to survive another pregnancy. But so far I am surviving. Literally one day at a time, but it is getting there!

I really can't wait to have this baby so I can get back to my life of moving and not being uncomfortably pregnant. I am hoping that even with the cramping and contractions that I can start getting around more once I get closer to 30 weeks. If all is well at that point then I would feel a little more comfortable dismissing the cramping and just pushing through so we could go places again.

I am in a pretty bad place in my walk with Christ right now. I don't want anyone to comment on this part of the blog. I just want people to know where I am. I will just take comments in a wrong way because of where I am, so please don't. I know that the fear of another bad outcome has gotten in my way. I still know that He is Lord and that He is good. I still believe the Word. I have just lost all ability to pray. I don't know how to pray anymore. I know for sure that it is not praying for the desired outcome and having it come to pass. I have always had a hard time with praying for physical healing and needs. That only became worse after losing Oscar. I know that I had a huge increase in my faith after Oscar died though. I am just having a hard time. We are always excited when someone is healed or survives or we pray for babies and they do well. I just don't know how to handle it right now when things don't go well. I hope that I can come to a place where I can pray and believe that He really is involved in my daily life again because if we do have this baby, her faith in Christ is going to depend on it. I wish I could pray for her now, but I just can't. I can't take praying for her health and well being right now. The only thing I have been able to pray at all is that His will be done, because that is what will happen anyway. I don't know what to say when I try to pray for her.

I apologize for the long post and again, please try not to comment on my spiritual struggle. I just wanted people to know and there seems no point in ignoring such a huge part of my life that has changed right now.

Melinda

Army Wives and Hard Day

Army Wives will be on tonight and I will get to watch the premier from my house :) That was one of my "mini goals".

Today has been a rough one. I was doing well in the earlier part of the day, but I tried to accompany Greg on a quick run to the store. The second I got in the car I started off with the really strong, crampy contractions. The store didn't go well for me and then by the time I got back it took a while to get the cramping back under control. Some days that little trip would have been no problem, but today it was terrible for some reason. I wish I was able to just run to the store or sit on the couch like a normal person again without discomfort! I really think my body dislikes pregnancy for some reason :)

My next appointment is on Thursday. That will make 23 weeks! This Tuesday starts the 10 day countdown to 24 weeks. Greg and I went to Babies R Us last night for about 20 minutes before they closed (20 minutes was all I thought I could handle). We found a crib we liked. We will probably order some furniture when we get to 26 or 27 weeks. I just can't stand to do it before then. I am excited!

Melinda

Getting There :)

We are 22 weeks and 2 days today! In only 12 more days we will be 24 weeks! Once we get to that point and things still look wonderful, we will get a test done to look for Fetal Fibronectin. It is called and fFN test. If (and when) the test comes back negative, they say that you have a 99.5% chance of carrying the baby for the next two weeks. So if my cervix measures good and that test is negative we should definitely make 26 weeks. They say the test is good because it helps them to know if they need to give you steroids to help the baby's lungs. They were going to give it to me as a precaution at 24 weeks, but if the test is negative he feels confident not giving me the steroids. He said the steroids will compromise my immune system. And I surely don't need that after that horrible stomach bug I had at 18 weeks :)

So I am getting pretty sure that this baby will be be named Delilah Rae Currence. I am aware that everyone has different opinions about the name, but we like it! Greg just started calling her that and it seems to be sticking. I will probably call her Dee Dee though or Dee Dee Rae or Baby Dee :) I haven't talked to her too much lately, just been a little nervous to. It helps thinking of her with a name though. 12 more days!

Melinda

22 WEEKS!!

Here is a pic of my 22 week belly and the baby's first outfit! My belly looks so much bigger in the picture than in the mirror (along with other parts of me that seem to be getting bigger as well that are better left unmentioned) :)

So we are making progress on our "goal list". Only two more weeks and we will make 24 weeks. I can not wait!!!

Today I laid the remote on my belly at the recommendation of my sister who said the baby would kick it around if I did. I thought it was too early for that still. Well, I did it and two seconds after I set it on there it bounced with a big kick! I couldn't believe it, she is really moving around in there :)

Melinda

21 Weeks 6 Days

So, at 3:41 pm today I am officially "more pregnant" than I ever was last time! I had Oscar at 21 weeks and 6 days into the pregnancy at 3:40 pm. So at 3:41 pm today I had a mini celebration! I was doing really good on contractions today, but this evening I am having some crampy ones. They have been every twenty minutes for a little while now, so I have to go lay down and rest now :)

Tomorrow I will officially make 22 weeks! And then on Friday I am officially in the first day of the 23rd week! I will try tomorrow to get a belly picture. I bought the baby her first outfit the other day. I will put a picture of that on too... it is so cute :)

So the next "big" goal is 24 weeks and then hopefully many weeks after that!

Melinda

Hang in there

I have never felt more like this cat in my whole life. I kept thinking about this cat yesterday and still feeling that way today! I am having tons of contracting today and will have to be seen between appointments again because of it. They are getting harder. I AM this cat!