So we have six more days to a completed 24 weeks. After that every day will be better and better chances for Baby Dee Dee! Once we get to the 24 week goal my next big goals are getting into July and getting my ticker under 100 days left. I can't wait til that happens! I can't belileve we are so close to 24 weeks. Before now making the gap between 22 and 24 weeks looked totally insurmountable. I am glad to see that even if it looks like you can't make it, you really can!
I was watching the TV Guide Channel tonight since there was nothing on and they were interviewing Cindy Crawford. They asked her to describe her life with one word. She said that she had one word to describe how she wanted to live her life and that was "present". She said that she wanted to be fully present for each part of her life, good and bad, and tries not to just live through one part to get to another. She said she doesn't want to think, "If I can just get past this part I can't get to something different or better".
I thought it was inspiring because I definitely am just in survival mode right now and not really wanting to live while I hold my breath and wait for an outcome to this pregnancy. I was hoping to just "get through" the next few months and on to something better. It is a shame to feel that way because there is so much to be had and learned during really difficult times. I am hoping now that while I cope with what is going on during the pregnancy and the discomforts and fears, that I can learn about myself and my weaknesses (which are many) and my strengths. I hope that I can grow more in my relationship with Christ and that I don't quit or give up because things are hard. I hope that I will learn more how to help other people or be there for them when they are struggling after I get more able bodied again. I know that I am learning just how important the life of this little baby is and how much we love her already. So old Cindy Crawford is right. It is important to be "present" even in the bad parts of life and experience them as fully as we experience the good parts. For instance, in the months afte Oscar died, I cried in a way that I have never cried before. It was almost like I was hearing someone else when I would hear myself. I am still fascinated by it for some reason because after the initial months of grief I have not cried like that again. Sometimes I will see James and Betty Robinson asking for help to feed the children in countries where food is sparse. I saw a little while back a woman sitting by the grave of her child who had died. The grave was fresh. When she cried out I just couldn't believe it because I knew that the pain was the same. I had never experienced pain like that before. It is good to know that I could feel a compassion for her that I would never have been able to really feel if I hadn't gone through what I did.
Anyway, rambling!!! Nice long post, I should write a book or something :)
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